Gefilte fish

You know those times where you just want to beat the living stank out of someone?

I've felt that way since I could remember.

Why did I even do this.

Matthew is in Peru, and the sad thing is: I will probably become used to not talking to him every night. I thought it would be hard or, at the very least inconvenient, because once you do something almost every night for a year and 2 months, it seems like nothing else can exist. So far it's been pretty good. No breakdowns or upsetting "I want to die, I miss your voice" moments....then again, I've never had any of those and didn't really expect to in the first place. G-d, I think I'm finally growing up in the relationship department. Aghhhhhh autonomy is taking over my brain!!!

^^^That is, on a scale of Mihalik to Gretsky, a GREAT ONE HIMSELF, THE ALMIGHTY, times worse than I originally thought it looked.

Baby, that's all I got!

It is a strange commodity, after having 7 boys and some odd girls at the house, to have a home almost empty. There aren't any feet carefully padding around to get drinks or sandwiches, nor is there a faint smell of sweaty sleeping bags and men's cologne....and there definitely isn't a Gabby creeping in Catherine's closet.

Because of these things I have a constant, overpowering urge to interject "PARTY!!" into my daily vocabulary or whenever there's a lull in conversation (as well as sermons, for that matter).

In a remarkable turn of events, I may have an apartment as well as a job lined up. I'm going sometime this week to "scope out the land" as my grandmother so astutely remarks in relation to seeking the Lord for upcoming residencies.

There are so many other things that I could say, but I am too full (in every single way) to even begin to do them justice. I should start writing more, but that's for another day. As it is, life is at a good point right now, and I look forward to it getting even better.

Billy and Matt like to sleep in my backseat:

We have a good shot

It's all come full circle.

I'm back in Marianna, the suicide capital of the world. At least that's what it feels like. It seems isolated, but at least Brenna and Cafrine are here to help keep sanity. Or add to it.

Panama City Beach tomorrow for the week. Hopefully I won't get nose leprosy from being in the sun so much. Lord knows I need to get my base burn before my dance class on the 24th, which is ironically when my Orientation is as well. Looking forward/scared of that day. But let's take it one step at a time.

I wish I had a sweet Stanley Cup finals beard. Effin' a.

I can feel your heart

John 13:27-
As soon as Judas took the bread, Satan entered him. Jesus said to him, "The thing that you will do....do it quickly."

Sluuuuuuuuuuuut.

Today and tonight re-asserted my newly found love for some of humanity....and then dumped it in the toilet for the rest of it. Not a lot can make you feel love like having best friends around you.

I have also realized, since becoming a hermit, that staying out after sunset almost seems irresponsible to me. [It's] Kind of sad that I consider getting home at 10 to be marginally late.


And I'm a flirt. Eff yes.



Also, two things I really want to get for my birthday as of this very moment:

It's pretty tacky, though.

I grew out of the whole "ooh, he's in a band, he's cute; I wanna talk to him" and the consequential bragging before I turned 17.

Pretty sure everyone else in the universe needs to follow suit.


I have 8 books and 11 Morning Star journals to read. :)

....is what I'm trying to say.

If one were to describe my life as of this very second, it would have to be with this picture:



Completely full of deliciousness, and I want to jump up and down because of its amazing contents. Definitely going to USF, FAFSA loves me, yeah my tummy is poking out a bit because I just ate, but its getting molded into the best pair of zesty chick abs you'll ever see.

For the first time in my life I feel total serenity. There is nothing I am worried about, not one thing I have to be anxious for, and everything feels brilliant.

I could get used to it.

Meh.

Yay? Now I don't have to flip out every 32-47 minutes about "where I'm going" anymore. I'm a little less......excited?? as I imagined myself being. We'll see how everything pans out.

I brought my food journal back. I literally eat all day everyday, so it is interesting to see how much nutrition I allow in my body. So far it's really random and unstructured. I need to put my life into categories so I can maintain a healthy outlook- not only physically but emotionally and all that as well.

I have to go find my missing abs.

Nagging never gets anyone anywhere, anyway.

I could be taller, my hair could be shorter, I could be skinnier, I could read more, I could be more talented, I could have a job, I could love others more, my health could improve, I could be less flaky, I could grow out my nails, I could be less flirty, I could know more, I could make hastier decisions, I could have to not live off of Pepto Bismol, I could be prettier, I could be where I'm supposed to be, I could be patient, I could eat the rest of this giant chocolate penguin.


After a while "could" looks odd and inadequate.

I think it has something to do with lizards doing the Thriller dance

Sunday morning I called Ralph again. It was so familiar but painful. My stomach muscles still haven't gotten over last weekend's puke fest, and my six pack speaks volumes.

Just kidding about the six pack part. I'm just soft, and I apparently have "curves in all the right places" yesssssss.

After some great experiences this weekend, I've realized I'm close to most things and far away from others. That's vague. Deal with it. Life training 101.

I've been drinking on this Sobe Life Water since Friday. I'm not even halfway done.

illness silliness

Lent is killing me. Usually when I'm sick I play Zelda to have my brain be okay with tripping out. All I have now is a puppy birthday card that has a lackluster joke tagged along.

I threw up roughly 7 times in the New Freedom parking lot on Sunday; once on a car. In front of church members. I looked like a poor, drugged out soul that Matt dragged to church to get saved. Can't a girl throw up every once in a while without having the need to rededicate her life?

Pepto Bismol + 1/2 a banana + toilet = acidic smoothie coming back out of your mouth.

Still brainwashed by MLA

Joyner, Rick. A Message to the Glorious Church A Verse by Verse Study of Ephesians Chapters 1-4 (Volume 1). Minneapolis: MorningStar Publications, 2003.

You have to say it really fast for it to be funny.

Watching a show about "sexy Hollywood women" makes me want to throw up. Or maybe it was because I've stuffed my gullet(????) full of foods today. F my life.

Jacksonville is nice. I miss cows and real grass. I hate the country though. That's my life, always in the middle. Nooooooooo.

I'm going to start wearing gym shorts. Hahahaha. I couldn't write that sentence without at least cracking a smile. We all know that it should be illegal to go out of the house dressed like shhh.
omgshutthefckup.



Disclaimer:
Ladies. Please stop. Thank you.

Vices crisis

I'm going to start writing seriously again.


Because all I do is eff around.


And I'm losing my edge. Figuratively and literally.

Storybook Page

I just weighed myself and it said 120 exactly.


I don't trust home-cheap-azz scales. If that were true, my BMI has dropped to 18, which is underweight for my height bracket.......and my tumbly says something other than "underweight". Halfway joking.


Shopping for universities sucks as well. I can't find anywhere that feels right. Maybe I can just roll into a ditch, live there, and not worry about anything. Or become a janitor. That sounds good too.


Sup at chu, brown/orange/blond/creepily amazing hair?

Doesn't even matter

I am not a good Christian.


If that even matters anyway.



Actually....I can make a super long list of things I'm horrible at doing.

The list of "stuff Lauren is actually good at" is much, much shorter:

1.) Being sick.


THAT is all.

Four lil bacterias

How tf do you get a blister on a thumb knuckle? If something funky goes on bodily, I'm the inevitable victim. Sup at chu, unexplainable parasites?

These are the knitted version of whatever's floating around my stomach area:


^^^^^Wish I could do stuff like that. Arts and Crafts are my natural enemy.


Other than various diseases, life has had very much win in it lately.


AND HOW!

Hot glass

You just shake your head.

Silly, silly. No no no.

That's great, but it's fake.



Love Gabby:

Standing there.

Are you effing me?

Because if you are, I must kindly ask you to stop.

No seriously. Just go away.

And I never thought I would say this, but thank GOD for Dane Cook.

Sweet Sue

I think I'm getting paler. Is that e'en possible?
I'm too old to write juvenalia poetry. Sad.

200 calories of biscotti later.....

My stomach hurts. It always hurts. Big deal. Learn to live with the pain.

Part of me wants to be in Alabama right now at the Wi' Blood Comes Cleansing show with Pat and the rest. Part of me is happy for staying home because it's cold and I can not take people.


Silence.

Worth it. Totally worth it.

It really is the small things that get me through the day. Whether it's reading a new book, learning a 4-5 chord Eisley song on guitar, or something ridiculously inconsequential, it makes me feel very accomplished.

Tonight it was making this delicious Avgolemono soup:




I'm going to start volunteering at a no-kill animal shelter in Clermont as well.
I feel old, since this is what elderly people do to feel useful to society; it's better than being a greasy log all day.

Show off.

Allison and I were going to go to the Plea show tonight, but decided against it at the last minute. I don't really see the point. AND it's 40 degrees out tonight, which is TOO cold for my poor, Central Floridian, very thin blood. Not only am I disgustingly pale, my blood is as thin as a piece of paper, making it impossible for me to stay healthy in any weather under 68 degrees.

In fancy news, our cousin was on TBN tonight. Weirded out. He came on right after Kim Clement, which weirds me out even more. Freakin' lucky.

That's why I'm hyphenating my name. I'm not getting rid of Jennifer or Raley when I decide to ruin my life and get married.** Forget that crap. Raley's too important to me to throw it aside and remember it only when I'm writing a check.

**Idea becomes null and void if married to Jason Schwartzman.

Willy Waddles.

Today Mamsie is baking a "half black and half white" cake for the inauguration tomorrow.....until I informed her that Barack is only 6% "black" and is really 44% Arab-African. Dad said we should just throw a towel over it and the problem is solved.

You have to love politically incorrect parents. It's really no wonder why I turned out the way I did: TOTALLY awesome in every way imaginable.

The county is working on the railroad. Since there is only one road out of our ranch-community-thing, and that road is ironically a railroad--we get to stay at the ranch until 5 o' clock this evening. The only crappy thing about that is I needed to buy a toothbrush at Wal-Mart and now I'm stuck.

Who knew people worked on MLK, anyway? I thought that was a holiday that every manual laborer had off.

Yeah, that's David Bowie

Maybe I'm a bit late on this, but The Notebook isn't that bad of a movie. It just creeps me out because when my dad was in his 20s he looked EXACTLY like Ryan Gosling.....and that's just sick and wrong. Yeah, get THAT image out of your head, Brenza.

In other creepy/nasty news:
Last night was the first time in a week that I'd washed my hair (gross). It freaked out and got really puffy and wouldn't quit being fuzzy and weird.


Needless to say, this is marginally close to what it looked like at church this morning:





Sometimes I disturb even myself.

Think not.

Drive-In movie in 38 degree weather: not smart.

Having enough blankets and love to keep you warm throughout the entire movie: ingenious.


If I didn't hate south Florida so much I'd move there for warmth. However, anything under Bradenton makes me nauseous. Therefore, I am at an impasse.

I also thought I was getting too old for others to delight in my shortcomings, but I see that is painfully untrue. Here we go again.

Nah.

You really are only as miserable as you make yourself.


I can make myself pretty frickin doleful. I list that under "things I'm actually not sucky at"..... and apparently ending sentences without prepositions is NOT one of those things.



Get high, so high that I feel like lying.

Seriously.

I just calculated my BMI, (Body Mass Index) and I am at an exact 19.0, which is 0.5 points from being underweight for my height/age bracket.

Could use work.

Today I decided to Gabby that I am going to enter into a domestic partnership. (not with her, though) Just enough commitment without overbearing duty. Nahhh. I just don't want to think about marrige right now; but if a Darcy came charging out of the morning fog with a huge diamond, I would not say no.

The show I'm obsessing over now is I Survived on the Biography Channel. Sure, it makes me terrified of the world in general and anxiously suspicious of the strangers around me, but it's a small price to pay to know how to outsmart a gunman.....or mountain lion.

Maybe I'm wrong....

Ladies, if you text pictures of yourself to a guy who already has a gul.....I find that offensive and slutty.

Just saying.

Unlinked ideas.

I bought a donut yesterday and ate it today. That's not something I would recommend.

ALSO, I received a letter in the mail today from the county. I didn't get that sweet library job. However, I found out it was on the other side of Sumter, so I would have more than likely declined the offer at any rate.

I just need something to do.So far the Disney movies I've been watching, though distracting, have only served to making me cry at the end of each one.

Don't ask me how.

The thing about people being envious, of let's say me, (though I'd be jealous of me if I were someone else) is that it's not the healthiest thing ever.

I understand that when you wake up in the morning I'll still be prettier, smarter, thinner, more educated, morals still intact, and all around better than you, but that doesn't mean that people should take the anger they have in their heart and twist it around to others.

There's not even specific people this can apply to. But most assuredly 90% of the population is full of malice to others and cupidity for attention.

This morning I got all of my hair cut off. I mean, that stuff is gone. Usually when girls say "omg, I totally cut all my hair!" it's either: a.) 6 inches off from your nasty azz long hair that went past your shoulders. b.) Is now one length and just as disgusting. c.) Kind of layered, but awkward and doesn't compliment your face.

No no. None of that. I mean, the only thing longer than 3 inches is a small part of the back that goes down to right where my neck ends and two pieces in the front that dad say look like sideburns. Creepy, huh.

I like having flaming red and blinding platium hair. I like having it super short and then awkwardly medium. It's just what I do.

Go take a bath.

I do not read enough for my own good. Taking on 5+ books at the time is not a smart venture, since I finish halfway and pile more books onto that.

Not sure if I've graduated college yet, since my diploma hasn't come in the mail. LSCC wants me back. They can forget it. Thinking about graduation is like an inevitable break up--why do anything extra when you can just get it over with? Unless that person is really good at making out. However, schools don't make out, so I suppose that's a flawed simile.

Contemplating on going to Daytona Beach on Friday to visit Elya. I haven't been to D.B. since 11th grade, and that was 4 years ago. Yes, I'm old. As if I haven't been out of the house enough lately, either. I'm sure I'll grow tired of it eventually.

List of shhh to do within the next 7 months:

- Get better at guitar

- Memorize every chord progression ever

- Read at least 40+ more books

- Figure out a university sometime

- Get a job or start hooking

- Stay moderately single

That last one is the hardest. Dang.

Lauren, you whore

I realize everyone is going for this, but maybe jumping on a trend is what I need to do more often. God knows that's precisely the reason I hate pizza.

Marianna still sucks. 11 years away from this hell hole has made me figure out I dig Central Florida better than any other place I've been to---minus Hawaii, but come on. That's just because I want to marry Duane Lee Chapman.

Catherine and I, after seeing a "Taken" movie trailer, can not figure out the difference between Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes.....







Don't even front like they aren't the same person. Have they ever been in a movie together? Because that would simply confuse me.